What I Miss

While I abused the act of shopping by using it as retail therapy, there is something about it I really miss.

I used to be known for my fashion sense. These days? Well, most days I embarrass myself. It doesn't help that my company doesn't have a dress code. That doesn't exactly motivate me to make an effort when I get dressed in the morning. Though on the flip side, maybe it's a good thing --

Most days it's a pair of jeans and some kind of knit top and a sweater. During the summer I can mix it up a bit more; I've got some cute skirts. But the colder months are a different story.

Most of the knit tops are too short for my long torso. The sweaters have pills on the arms. Hardly any of the jeans fit properly. I don't have any decent jackets. No dress pants. No good shirts or blouses. My one good suit is 10 years old. I don't have a good dress winter coat.

I get the new J. Crew and Anthropologie catalogs and am filled with longing for this skirt and that sweater, this shirt and those shoes. But then the reality hits: I can't afford it. None of it.

It would be so much fun to go shopping without worrying about whether something fits in the budget. On those days that I look especially crappy -- like today in my old sweater and too-short jeans -- I tell myself that I just need to hang in there. That when I'm debt free, I won't have to pick between buying everything I need from the grocery store or a new sweater. Heat or a new pair of boots. A credit card payment or a new suit.

You get the idea.

But it's so hard to look at myself in the mirror when I look such a mess. I look ... worn. Like my clothes. I made it through last year, so there's no reason I can't make it through this year. I just hope the warm weather comes back soon.