Dirty

Wow. It's been a while, hasn't it?

Before I get caught up, though, I want to thank Monia at Losing It All for her sweet e-mail asking if I was OK. That gesture meant a lot.

So, where was I? Right ... catching up on what I've been doing the last month and a half. The short answer is that I haven't been writing, not the blogs and not even my journal. I'm not sure why. Sometimes, I guess, I just can't put into words all that I'm thinking and feeling. It all gets jumbled up.

If I had to put my finger on it, I'd say that part of the reason I haven't written here is that I feel anxious about things. It started when I bought my mattresses. Yeah, that's right: I finally bought mattresses. They're awesome, but I did spend more than I had planned. And the purchase was not without incident. (Put it this way, I doubt very seriously that I'll buy mattresses from Sleepy's ever again. The salesman tried to cheat me, and when I realized the error, the manager was douchey.) So I was left feeling annoyed about this sizable purchase, which, by the way, I charged.

And there it is. The crux of the matter: I charged the mattresses. Do I have the money to pay off the balance? Yes, I do. But I haven't received my home buyer credit yet, and I don't want to eat into my savings cushion. So I have this credit card balance and it makes me feel dirty. So much so that I didn't want to admit it here.

The plan, of course, is to pay it all off when I get the credit. Until then, I'm paying a decent amount every month.

I think the source of my anxiety is that I'm afraid of falling back into old habits, that the $1,800 will become $20,000. Anyone who has had credit card debt knows how quickly it adds up. Plus, I feel like a failure for using a credit card after having paid them all off.

That's ridiculous. I mean, the point is to be able to use credit wisely. That's what I'm trying to do. For example, I have an AmEx card that I use for the annual cash-back reward. But every time I use it -- even though I pay it off immediately -- I feel anxious.

What I'm trying to say is that being in debt doesn't end with that last payment. No, it's a process. It's a way of life, and I'm having a tough time with it.

But that's all the more reason to keep writing here. Though I'm debt-free on paper, mentally, I'm in hock up to my eyeballs. Now it's time to pay that off.

April 2011 Update

Has it been a month already?

I don't have much to report, but I'll give it a go just the same. I had the timing belt replaced on my car finally. It had been plaguing me, so I'm relieved to have had it done.

I'm still debt free. Mostly. No, no, it's not like that. I'm not back-sliding, as they say. I've been very careful about paying off any debt every month. The savings picture is OK. Not great, but OK. The auto repairs -- the timing belt replacement in particular -- weren't cheap. And there were a few other things, including the blender (which I still love), a couple of sweaters, and other treats.

I've also joined a gym. To make life easier I've already funded the account that the dues are coming from. I won't have to worry about it until next year.

What else is going on? Let's see ... Oh! I'm shopping for mattresses tomorrow (finally!), and I plan to buy. I was hoping to wait until I received my home buyer credit, but I have no idea when that's coming and I owe it to my back, which has only gotten worse in the last year, to go ahead and take care of it sooner rather than later.

All in all, things are good. And that's no April Fool's joke. :-)

March 2011 Update

Things are going pretty well. I believe when I left off I'd just splurged on a VitaMix blender. One would think there would be some buyer's remorse, but nope. I love it! I've used it practically every day.

In other financial news, I filed my tax return. I've received the regular portion of my refund, but not the home buyer credit, which apparently takes longer to process. Granted, I'm glad to have received part of my refund, but I was hoping to get the full amount. Oh well.

I've also taken care of some auto repairs. I had my drive belts replaced and the transmission fluid flushed last weekend. Next week? Timing belt. It's overdue and I want to take care of it before it becomes a problem.

Wow -- this is a really boring post. I like to think that that's a good thing, especially for a debt blog. Still, I'm about to myself to sleep with this, so I can only imagine how you must be feeling. I'll do us all a favor and close.

Bring on the Greens!

I had to go to Costco today to get a new membership card. It's a bit of a pain to find parking at the shopping center where my Costco is located, so I figured I'd browse for a bit before heading out. And I'm glad I did. There was a deal on VitaMix blenders this weekend. I've wanted one for a long, long time. I've stalked them online for years. A year ago, I would've been forced to forgo the opportunity -- after all, even on sale, these blenders are still quite pricey. But this is one of those times that all those years of hard work were worth it.

So I splurged. I'm debating on whether I'll still take the overnight trip to Richmond in April or scale it back to just a day trip. While I can afford to do both, I'm also seeking balance. So we'll see.

The great thing about the blender is that I'll be able to make more smoothies, and in greater quantities. I have an immersion blender, but after nine years of regular use -- it's not unusual for me to use it five out of seven days -- it's showing its age. Also, I've wanted to start doing green smoothies, and my current cheap-o blender just doesn't cut it (pardon the pun). I am glad to be able to get out of my smoothie rut of mixed berries, OJ, AJ, and honey. The VitaMix will replace both appliances. Bring on the greens!

February 2011 Update

Happy February! I hope everyone is having a wonderful 2011 so far and making progress on paying off debt. And if not? Well ... there's always tomorrow to get back on track.

Things with me are going fairly well. I met with my financial planner a few weeks ago and opened a Roth IRA to supplement my 401(k). I had to make a deposit to open the account (of course), and will start the monthly contributions in mid-March.

Not counting the retirement funds, though, I have about $5,000. While it's not too shabby, it could be -- and should be -- higher. I've been dipping into my checking account cushion more than I'd like. This makes me nervous; I'm afraid of lapsing into old habits. For example, I'd been using a credit card (responsibly) to take advantage of an offer for extra rewards points. I paid the full balance at the end of the month, like I was supposed to, but the whole time I had a balance, I felt ill at ease. I've got to get over that. I've got to heal my relationship with money. Right now it has way too much power. I think about it constantly. For a long time I allowed the debt to control my life, influence my well-being. I equated my self-worth to my net worth. Now I'm doing the same thing with my savings.

I recently completed my federal and state tax returns and will mail them later this month. It was my first time itemizing. I'd obsessed about that for months, but it wasn't as bad as I'd made it out in my head. Thankfully, everything was straightforward. Anyway, I'm due a decent refund, so I'll have that to look forward to in a month or two. (Apparently it takes longer to process returns for those who claim the first-time home buyer credit.) I still need new mattresses, and there are a few other things I'd like to purchase. Also, there are a few trips in my future: a friend's wedding in Massachusetts this September, and a vacation for me in May 2012 (details to be announced later). And I'm thinking about a quick overnight trip to Richmond in April. I want to hit the museum and do a little window-shopping in Carytown. It's time I start doing some fun things.

So that's where we are this month.

What a Difference a Year Makes

Last year this time I still owed almost $6,000 on my credit cards. This year? Zip. Zilch. Zero. Happy New Year!

I don't want to sound like I'm gloating, and I hope it doesn't come across that way. But it is a great feeling and a great way to start off a new year. If you're still struggling with your debt, please, by all means, keep at it. The sacrifices are so worth it.

The other great thing about not having debt? Being able to splurge occasionally without (too much) guilt. The other day I bought a sweater that, though 50 percent off, was still pricey -- at least in my world. But I desperately could use new clothes, and the sweater was right up my alley.

That said, I still have work to do on finding a balance between spending and being a miser. For example, I bought that sweater without giving it a second thought. But just thinking about buying furniture makes me so anxious I can hardly stand it. Today, for example, I walked into a furniture store, stood there a few feet inside the door, looked around, and walked out. I just couldn't deal with it.

So see? I've got a lot of work to do as far as my relationship with money is concerned.

I am trying an experiment this month: I am going to try to use my credit card with a high cash-back reward for my grocery purchases throughout January and pay it off at the end of the month. I will check in on my progress. The goal remains for me to not have any revolving debt, except the occasional small amount to keep the account active (and the bank fairly happy).

I meet with the financial planner in a couple of weeks. We're going to discuss opening an IRA and any tax concerns or considerations coming up. As for the tax refund -- including the home buyer credit -- it's going directly into my savings account. I will use some for a new couch this year, but I may put off any other furniture purchases until next spring. Well, that is, unless I find something I absolutely love.

For now, though, I want to concentrate on how wonderful it feels to be debt free. Here's to a prosperous 2011.