You Down With O-C-D? Yeah, You Know Me!

The OCD is kicking in.

The trigger was when I lent a friend 150 bucks. It was an emergency situation and it needed to be wired. I didn't feel comfortable about it, but ... well, never mind. I did it, despite my discomfort. Thought it was the universe's way of getting me to loosen up, start trusting people more.

I still haven't received his check. It's been a full week since he sent it, and almost two weeks since he asked me for the money. He sounded appropriately mortified when I told him this evening that I still hadn't gotten it, and he's planning to send a new one. Still ... By the time you factor in the processing fee and my bank fee, it was $193. I need that money.

I won't settle down until I have that check -- and it clears -- and I can put it back in savings. I hate to admit this, and I hope I don't sound petty, but our friendship won't be right until he pays me back.

I've never had someone hit me up for money before, not even family. And I'm the type of person who has a hard time asking for help, even from my parents. A couple years ago, when I wanted to try to buy a condo, I asked, and it physically pained me to do so. I even feel guilty when I get presents from them at Christmas. It doesn't help that my father has a habit of giving me my gift and then talking about how broke he is. No wonder I have such a strange and strained relationship with money.

Other upcoming outlays: the personal property tax on my car (due in October); the extra due on my credit card to get it to the balance it needs to be on my payment schedule before the next bill date; and the coming weeklong visit with my mother, during which we may take the train to NYC. I've already transferred money from savings to cover the first two items. I didn't like having those amounts hanging over my head. The sooner those are taken care of, the better I'll feel.

The monthly update is coming, and the numbers aren't going to be where I want them. That bums me out. Again, I knew summer was going to be full of ups and downs, but I'm eager for things to settle down. That I still have a raging case of the I-Wants isn't helping.

The fact of the matter is that I need to chill, stop obsessing about every penny spent and compulsively checking account balances.

And I also need to go to bed. 'Night.